Nelson Fell Through The Cracks
Updated: 4:19am UK, Sunday 24 March 2013
To the outside world Nelson had the world at this feet. A professional snowboarder, on the cover of magazines, coach to the British Olympic snowboard team, as physically fit as it was possible to be, universally loved by everyone that knew him and from a loving family.
Nelson was a truly aspirational human being and a role model to many. How could someone like Nelson take his own life? He had so much to live for.
His death in the summer of 2012 sent shockwaves through the UK snowboarding community and with everyone that knew him. His family and friends were left distraught as there had been no glaring warning signs. I had seen Nelson only days before and even though I felt I knew him better than anyone, even in my darkest fears I had no idea what was coming.
Nelson did suffer from anxieties and at periods of his life had been touched by bouts of depression. Like so many men, Nelson found it very hard to openly talk about these powerful inner thoughts. He had great friends and a loving family but found it very hard to be truly honest - especially in perhaps such an image conscious sport as snowboarding?
Men as a rule are supposed to battle on through strife and illness. For a man to show weakness and say they're feeling down is frowned upon and the stigma attached to depression and other mental illnesses is huge. Nelson felt this, and often telling your close friends and family you feel depressed has its own pressures attached - I'm sure Nelson felt the worry of not letting loved ones down. It is obvious now Nelson had incredibly powerful emotions locked deep inside him that ultimately took control of him towards the end.
One of Nelson's last acts was to take himself to his local GP the day before he took his life, obviously seeking help and support. I know how much courage this must have taken for Nelson. Nelson was asked to fill in various questionnaires to assess his mood, he scored very highly for anxiety and was classed as moderately depressed. Unfortunately all the GP could do for him at the time was to tell him to return in two weeks if he still felt bad, and was given the web address of an online cognitive programme.
Like many, Nelson fell through the cracks. He died the next day. I understand how much pressure GPs are under, but also feel frustrated that he could have been given more options - a few telephone numbers maybe, a help line, a link to CALM's website or even a call to his family to say he may be at risk. This may have helped him feel he wasn't struggling alone, that there was help out there, that other guys were struggling with exactly what he was feeling. Why, for instance, is it so hard to get a referral to see a psychiatrist, my local GP told me he doesn't even know the name of his and even if he did it would take weeks for an appointment. Things have to change.
Only after this tragic event do the shattering statistics hit home. Suicide in young men is the biggest single killer in the UK right now, on average three a day and more deaths in 2011 than traffic accidents, HIV and murder alone. BUT only 1 in 10 people have any idea of these brutal stats. Awareness has to be top priority, there must be a focused strategy to suicide in the UK. The minister of care and support Norman Lamb stated that the government has a "complete responsibility to reduce men taking their own lives." Now's the time for action - not words.
By tapping into organisations such as CALM, the government can educate themselves and potentially hit the key demographic and most at risk. CALM are using people, brands, musicians, artists etc that young men can associate with, a voice they respect, raising awareness. A strong communications strategy is clearly needed for the government.
Obviously this is huge problem and not easily tackled. It will take time. Stigma amongst men, families and society in general is a huge hurdle but we have to start somewhere. It's clear from Nelson's story that there isn't a set stereotype for someone who ends their own life. He appeared to have everything. If there is any positive to come out of his death, it's that suicide and depression can hit anyone and there is no shame in admitting you need help. Help is out there, you don't have to suffer alone, there is always hope. Ride on Nelly.
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